Monday, August 19, 2013

The Heart of All Evil Makes iPhones

     Yes, I haven't written in a bit. I was having a bit of writer's block, you see. I didn't know what to write about. Until...

     I was watching the Big Bang Theory on television, and this commercial came on. And once I saw this commercial, it hit me--I knew exactly what I had to write about. And that something is...drum roll please...my hatred of Apple! Hooray!

     But really, this isn't an irrational hatred. I have concrete reasons for believing this company should be stomped into the dirt. The first stems from this commercial that I was talking about. It started with this guy talking to his girlfriend about the new iPhone, and in his hand he's holding another iPhone. His girlfriend says something like, "That sounds great! But it's too bad you just got that one." So they guy throws his phone off the side of the balcony.

     I mean, what the HELL? Those things cost MONEY! Not only is Apple owning up to the fact that they come out with a new phone like, every two weeks, but they are encouraging you to throw your old one away and run out to get the new one as soon as possible. Now what does that say about the human race?

     Of course, that's not the only reason. Apple is completely spoiling our country, and more importantly, the future generations. More than once I've seen little children, first graders, whose parents bought them an iPhone. I didn't get my first phone until the end of seventh grade, and I had to get straight As for it. And it wasn't anything like an iPhone, either. It was a regular phone that sent text messages and took calls. That's IT.

     "But Gabbey," I always hear my friends say, "I still don't see why you hate Apple so much. I mean, iPhones are great!" To this I say, you are wrong.

     This phone I was talking about, the one I got in seventh grade. One time I was horsing around with my sister in the backyard and she pushed me, sending my phone flying out of my hand. It soared through the air then landed on the concrete pool deck, and after that continued to skid a few more feet away before it came to a stop. Apart from a scratch on the back, the phone was fine and continued to work for several years after.

     Now, let's imagine that instead of my durable Samsung phone, I was holding an iPhone. What would have happened? Screen cracks. Phone stops working correctly. I would have needed to get a new phone. And since Apple's consumers never seem to learn, I probably would have gone right out and bought myself another iPhone, only to have it break again in the near future.

     Anyway, that's my rant. Hope you were amused.